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LAYS TASTES OF AMERICA
MONTEREY PEPPERJACK
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Wade: "This is supposed to taste like pepperjack? I think only people who are high -- or dead/critically wounded -- could enjoy this taste."
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Will: "Whoah... dude, these chips taste totally awesome!! (8 hours later) Huh. These taste of crap."
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Noby: "I was bewildered by bitterness for a while. However, it made me the peculiarity. Do you like the sour cream taste? Yes?? I push it!!"
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Kaori: "It has bitterness grassy-smelling. Furthermore, it is creamy. These play good harmony. I like it!"
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LAYS TASTES OF AMERICA
CHICAGO STEAKHOUSE BAKED POTATO
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Wade: "Again, now the chips are 'loaded' and 'baked', just like a convenience store employee. As for the flavor, tastes a lot like sour cream and onion. Which is good!"
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Will: "As Wade mentioned, they taste an awful lot like the Lays sour cream and onion -- no points for innovation. But, sour cream, onion, and this mythical bacon are good in my book."
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Noby: "It is fearfully salty. It was unnecessarily filled with salt by the inside of my mouth. BUT, I put it into the mouth again and again. Why?? I like it!"
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Kaori: "Not delicious... salty... not delicious."
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DORITOS
GUACAMOLE!
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Wade: "They taste like cool ranch but with a different color dye applied, but cool ranch be damned, these chips would make a worthy addition to any super bowl party, or a high-class bar-mitzvah."
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Will: "I agree. I actually bought my own bag of these later using real US currency. They have a unique flavor that's cool ranch-ian, but different enough to say: 'now that's a chip that doesn't make me want to commmit suicide! I'll have another!'"
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Noby: "I want to surely carry out the talk of a packaging design before the talk of the taste: why does it put only two big Doritos chips in order? I send applause to the design sense. I like it! Even if I eat the Doritos, I am moved by the same taste. However, let's allow today."
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Kaori: "Green Chips in a green package! I received a grotesque impression. But, I'm eating other tastes of Doritos already. Japanese people will also have it eaten without sense of incongruity. Good!"
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JELL-O PUDDING BITES
VANILLA / CHOCOLATE
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Wade: "You know that disturbing skin that appears on stagnant bowls of pudding? It's now in balls! Fine in small amounts, but may cause hallucinations when ingested in normal pudding quantities."
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Will: "Wade sums it up nicely. This trend of bite size things -- from cat food to club sandwiches -- simply doesn't do it for me. Stick with the pudding cups, you'll be glad you did. So will Bill Cosby. Maybe."
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Noby: "What is the material of this? Plastic? Is this any person's favorite food?? Please teach the charm of this."
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Kaori: "What is JELL-O??? Is it GUMMI?? I met with the new thing... however, I did not desire the encounter."
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KETTLE CHIPS
JALAPENO WITH TEQUILA & LIME
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Wade: "In the immortal words of Ralph Wiggum: it tastes like burning. And it does -- lord, oh sweet savior, it truly does."
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Will: "In the inaugural TWINRATE you'll recall that we were hard on our friends at Kettle Chips. I'm sure they're trying their best. But after tasting the following two bags of chips I can only come up with two theories: a) the company is based in Greenland or b) they are all robots."
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Noby: "Hardness and the lime taste are very very fresh. I love it! I send applause to the measure for seasoning of Kettle Chips!!"
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Kaori: "I support all of Kettle Chips. It's directivity is right. However, this is too hot. Therefore, it has the very bad balance of the taste. It is very regrettable.... :( :("
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KETTLE CHIPS
PARMESAN & BLACK PEPPER
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Wade: "The product testers at Kettle Chips finally got their taste buds back after the last debacle. This is a good chip, but I will never forgive Kettle Chips for creating the abomination called 'Burgundy with Aged Cheddar'."
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Will: "It's clear these chips have caused Wade to lose his mind. He's in room #243-A, cards only please, flowers make him relapse (mom found that out the hard way). Luckily, I am still sane, and I declare: flavored Kettle Chips of any kind are an insult to all mankind."
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Noby: "Anyhow, Kettle Chips has high-class feeling, and chips is also good. I like the cheese taste. Please, please eat it!!"
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Kaori: "The balance of the taste is very good. It is a great success. It is wonderful. If you like a German potato, I will recommend you it strongly."
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MIKE AND IKE
CHERRY COLA
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Wade: "If I wanted a cherry cola, I'd buy Cherry Coke. If I wanted a Mike and Ike, I'd go that route. Why do I want to blend two genres that are unrelated? This is what comes from marketing leading development: poo."
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Will: "I thought this had potential. However, the creators of this candy used some mysterious flavoring that tastes less like 'cola' and more like 'back yard'. I think it's an an aged extract from a exotic weed only found in the depths of the Amazon jungle. Only artifical."
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Noby: "The cinnamon attacked me... I confess, cinnamon is weak."
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Kaori: "I was able to imagine the taste easily from the package. That is, it did not seem to be delicious. Furthermore: it stuck to my tooth."
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MIKE AND IKE
BUTTERED POPCORN
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Wade: "Tastes like eating a jellybean filled with butter. Attn: congress, it should be illegal to make a non-fruit Mike and Ike. The creator of this should have to dig up Orville Redenbacher and apologize. And clean his glasses."
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Will: "In the spirit of being upfront it's my civic duty to tell you original Mike and Ikes are my favorite candy of all time. And this is the worst candy/stick of butter I have ever tasted. And also the absolute worst thing I think I've ever eaten in my life on this earth."
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Noby: "The butter flavor made artificially withers my feeling. I want to eat ordinary popcorn!"
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Kaori: "Are a sweet candy and salty popcorn friends? As for me, the feeling became bad by simply imagining."
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NEWTONS SNACKABLE DESSERT
CHERRIES'N CHEESECAKE
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Wade: "What is the snack food industry's fascination with cheesecake? Fat dollars? This ain't cheesecake. I'd stick with the normal Newtons if you want to eat something that has the consistency of a dry marshmallow covered in cardboard."
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Will: "These are close to the worst of the bunch. Cherry cheesecake is good, cherry cheesecake in a dry crust with a pound of sugar added isn't."
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Noby: "It is too sweet!!! Furthermore, it stuck into my mouth. I cannot manipulate a mouth free. Why is it large like this? Satisfaction of me was carried out to it by one."
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Kaori: "Cherry sauce and a cheesecake are so so delicious. However, this carried out by not being delicious."
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POP TARTS YOGURT BLASTS
BLUEBERRY
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Wade: "100% artificial taste... and, if you like Pop-Tarts, artificial is as comforting as a mother's hug. Nothing too exciting delivered via yogurt, and it certainly wasn't a "Blast!!" as claimed, but not bad."
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Will: "Pop-Tarts should be avoided once a person reaches 22 years old. But! The 'yogurt' lessens the acidic qualities of the standard Pop-Tart filling, making them actually edible. You might be able to eat these until at least age 50. But then, watch out."
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Noby: "Surely, we recommend you to eat it, after this toasts. Jam is sweetness with a sufficient degree, and is very high rank. I want to eat other tastes!"
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Kaori: "First, the package is so cute. BTW, is a toaster in your house? Supposing there is nothing, I will not recommend you to eat this! After this toasts, you should eat it."
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RITZ BITS SANDWICHES
PIZZA
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Wade: "Take what was once an american icon, the Ritz Bit, and taste it up via marketing. The result is a snack treat that fat children around can begin a love affair with. Not Ritzy -- as cheap as a pizzeria owner's Ford Focus, and about as greasy. Sigh..."
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Will: "Again with the bite-sized snack, whose bite is this small? Are these for babies? I don't get it. The filling is pink, too, not like the sharply defined, half-cheese half-sauce illustration. Baby food!"
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Noby: "Yes! It is just pizza! And the HULK's sticker is still COOL!" (Note: Noby is referring to the 'Incredibe Hulk' edition of this product with Hulk Hologram.)
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Kaori: "Please choose this, if you like the pizza taste. The cream inserted is just pizza!"
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